Knock Out in its natural state
I supposethat I should have expected it.Once Knock Out roses became ubiquitous in the suburban landscapes of America and moved beyond usefulnessto clich, I should have known thatthisparadigm-changing rosewas inevitably destined tobe even more misused, abused, andperverted; that it would be used in manners so hideous astodefy the imaginations of all gardeners born with even a vestige of taste.
I was still shocked, however, to stumble across the mutilated specimensshown here, these professionallyscalped greenrectangles and ballsthat I fleetingly thoughtat first glancewere privet or yews. I was horrified to realize that these monstrosities were Knock Out roses, identifiable by thesparse murky red blooms visible at the back of the rectangular-shaped specimen. For a brief moment, that recognition caused me to reach for my eyes in a fruitlesseffort to gouge out the offending images from my soul, but alas, too late, I was staring into the abyss of Knock Outpurgatory.
What was he orshe thinking, this misguided landscaper?I assume this job was professionally done since these misshapen demons lay next to the door and walkway of a large medical center whose working doctors and nurses are not likely to moonlight as hedge-trimming psychopaths. But the blobs wereeven trimmed wrong as hedges; the tops and sides wider than the bottom, shading out the lower leaves and creating naked stems and thorns. Why remove the blooms? Knock Outcycles rapidly enough that spent blooms go unnoticed amid the off-red tapestry of current flowers. Does no one realize the value of orange rose hipsfor winter appeal? Wheredo we go next to misuse this rose?Knock Out topiary? A niceKnock Out elephant witha red saddle on its back and a red stripe along its trunk? A Knock Out clown face with bright red hair?
Please,thoseof you who just mustplant Knock Out, at leastgive it freedom to still be a rose; to branch stiffly and awkwardly, to blooma spine-grating red shadeand toretainits dingy orange hips. Give it the freedom tobe morethan anothergreen gumdrop inour landscapes. Weve gotenoughshrubs that can be shaped at will intoyour favorite football mascot. If Knock Outs they must be,leave them unfetteredand free to grow as they were meant to, as random unshaped colorfulmasses inour lawns.Please.